What do you say when people ask about work after FI/RE?

 I was at a wedding reception last December, so less than a month ago, when someone asked me where I worked. Usually, I get asked what I do for a living. And it's easy to say "I have a degree in Nursing". But this woman asked where I worked. I simply said I don't work. She didn't believe me. She asked if I was being truthful.  Considering I don't know her very well and primarily know her from the church, I don't know why she would think that I'm lying. But I quickly turned things around to ask her where she worked. And was asking more questions when the couple came in and so I stopped. 

The question about what to say when people ask what you do for a living is something I've seen asked on the FIRE subreddits. So here  is my take on it. 

First of all, I try not to talk about work. I think some people ask this question just to make conversation and in some cases, it's easy to say "I have a degree in Nursing". That tends to move the conversation onto something else. In situations where people ask where I work, that becomes an issue. In the beginning, I simply said "I quit my job". I've also said "I left my employer".  And that's true. The goal is they don't come back to ask. But those who have asked are people in other departments at the hospital where I used to work. They have not seen me for a while so they ask where I'm working now. In one instance I recall, when I said I quit, the person asked: "so where are you now?" 

This can be tricky in a few ways. I went on a trip with an old friend when I FIRE'd.  And at that time, I really wasn't telling people but I mentioned to her that I quit because we talk and she was sharing about her divorce - which she's not even told her parents about. She asked what I was going to do. I said something along the lines of not having any plans for now. She pressed on about if I was going to look for another job. I think I said no. Then she went on to tell me about this thing called FIRE. I didn't act like I knew about it but simply listened quietly and maybe nodded at some points. She really kept pressing for answers and I really wasn't worried about finding answers to give as to what I'm going to do. (More on this another time.)

I have a relative in another state who probably wonders what's going on with me. Because whenever we talk and he asks: did you work today? He gets a simple "no" or ~ "no, not today". And then I move the conversation along. He is someone I don't mind telling but I had something happen in the course of quitting work and I didn't want him to think I couldn't afford the costs in case he knew I wasn't working and then offer to give something only to have me turn it down. 

I've had someone at church telling me I need to talk to them about retirement planning. I have a feeling they're selling insurance. I think I politely told them that I was not a candidate for them. I also had Term with a reputable company (Fidelity). Maybe I'll talk about it one day but Insurance ≠ Retirement. The person at church ironically is a nurse. Instead of telling me that I need to talk to them about retirement planning, why not follow the Nursing Process and "Assess" first! We don't just walk into a patient's room and start doing an EKG without an assessment. To see me and tell me that I need to come talk to you about retirement planning when you don't know what I even have in place tells me that we need to learn to apply the Nursing process outside of the hospital - myself included. 

So why don't I tell people I've FIRE'd? First, it's none of their business. It doesn't really concern them. I don't see how my choice affects their day to day life. Also, people are jealous. Boy. when I went part-time, I recall people telling me they were jealous. And the ones who openly said they were jealous didn't mean it in a bad way. The ones who were really "green with envy" are the ones who said nothing and simply stopped talking to me when they found out that I went part-time. I'm glad they did because I didn't say much to people before I FIRE'd. I was barely present at work so it was easy to fade away, although one person spread the word that I was leaving. I told very few people personally. The other reason is what I experienced with the lady at the wedding reception: unbelief. And I have no desire to convince someone about a fact of my life. I've realized that I don't care about a lot of nonsense lately. I'm also not trying to prove anything to anyone or show off. As a matter of fact, I don't want people probing into my personal finances. Personal Finance is personal, after all. And lastly, I don't want to hear ignorant comments. And I've heard a few I don't care to repeat because I don't care what some miserable person thinks. 

I had not given much thought to the question of where do you work? Now that I've encountered it, I know to say "Home" the next time I'm asked. I mean I was home for almost 2 weeks and didn't have to bother going out in the snow. 

So what do you tell people who ask what you do for a living when you've FIRE'd? Tell them what you want. If you don't want them to know, you can simply say you quit your job. I gave a few examples of answers above. Get creative. I think some people are simply trying to make conversation when they ask where you work and aren't trying to be nosy. Give them a simple answer and ask them about themselves. People love to talk about themselves. I've read some people on Reddit indicating that they say they manage finances or "wealth manager" to indicate they manage their finances. I don't like to bring "finance" up to begin with. I try to steer clear of the topic. There are a few people who, having gotten to know me in the past few months, have noticed that I've not worked. So they seem to be piecing things together that I get asked things like "did you work today?" or "what do you do with all the time?" For the month of January as I write this - Grand Sumo Tournament. It's exciting!😀 Ok, there's so much more to my life than watching Sumo which I do very little of.